Puppygate - An Update

Well, for those who have expressed interest in the news about our hopefully-soon-to-be puppy, this is for you.

First, I should remind us all (and I do include myself in this reminder) that the puppy prospect is still a complete secret from the kids...so far we've managed it, though I goofed up once and had to back-pedal big time.  But they have not one hot clue that their lives will change sometime over the course of the next month.

So, you may recall that the puppy I chose weeks back (these eight weeks seem like forever already) was diagnosed with a heart murmur two days before we were to bring him home.  I was pretty disappointed for a day or two, but then adapted to the situation.

My adjustment to the new circumstances was helped along by a sense of relief, to be honest.  These three weeks (starting now) are the very busiest of our entire year - our Learning Centre (LC) is less than three weeks away from putting on four performances of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet (open to the public in case anyone wants to buy a ticket...it's gonna be good) and we are in full time rehearsal mode now...as in, all day every day starting tomorrow (the full time prep was to start today but too many kids are struggling to get over the flu).  I had been quite anxious about how we were going to make the new puppy situation work, given that we'll be away from home most of the time over these few weeks.  I'd  obtained permission from the staff of the church where our LC meets to bring the puppy in with me every day - I had planned to wear him in a sling or have him in a kennel near me for the entire time we'd be away from home.  When I was originally put onto the wait list for a puppy, I had been told that it would be June or July before we'd be home with a puppy - so being surprised with our little guy a few months earlier than anticipated had been a little bit worrisome given our schedule these weeks.

So I've got to be honest in saying that it's easier right now without a puppy around - it's busy and anxious enough around here at the moment.

What's really important in all of this is the puppy.  The long and the short of it is that we decided to wait until mid April to have his heart re-tested.  He'll be about 12 weeks old at that point and if the heart murmur is to close up, the biggest likelihood of that happening is by 12 weeks.  (who knew?)  I really, really wanted to bring this little guy home regardless of his health situation, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that to my kids - it's one thing to own a puppy that then gets sick, but completely another thing to knowingly bring a puppy into our lives who might drop dead at any second, in the presence of two kids who have already known far too much trauma.  That decision wasn't so hard to make after all.

Anyway, if the murmur closes up, the puppy is ours to take home in 2-3 weeks.  That would be the most awesome scenario.

Given the prospect that it might not heal, a friend and I also went out to visit the breeder again last week.  She allowed me to choose an alternate puppy that she will commit to not selling until we know what's happening with our little guy.  The alternate puppy is a female, and she'd be available to take home towards the end of April or maybe the beginning of May.  She's a lovely little thing - beautiful colouring (sort of tobacco-reddish that will likely fade a little into a red gold when she's an adult) and a lovely seeming and very laid back disposition.  She'd be a wonderful choice as well, and my heart was drawn to her more than to the other puppies that I was allowed to choose from.

It was strange to visit with our original little guy last week, when I went out to see the other pups.  I noticed distinctly about myself that, even while I played with and cuddled him, I wasn't inclined to use his name and I didn't hold him for quite as long as I've longed to in past visits.  My heart was definitely a little guarded, scared to attach even more to the little fellow.  But still...he really is so delightful.  He's a large puppy (given that it's a small breed) and looks like a fat little sausage being held up by four short legs - he has a huge amount of energy, is very social, and bounces on all fours when he wants to play.  He's adorable and very sweet...and into chewing shoelaces!

Anyway, in just over two weeks, we'll know what the situation is.  Either we'll bring home our original choice, or wait another couple of weeks to bring home the little female.  Either way, it'll all be good and our lives are going to shift a little to accommodate our newest family member.  I'm looking forward to it!

Discouraged.

Sometimes I despair that my middle child will never read.

(That grammar sounds off to me...should it be that I despair that he will ever read?)

Whatever.  I am so discouraged.

This morning, after a period of time when he wanted nothing to do with anything reading-related, Seth went to our library and pulled out an early reader - about a super hero rescuing people being held captive by a bad guy.  I was quietly happy to see that he was voluntarily pulling out a book.  I casually went and sat down near him with a cup of tea I'd just made.  He was staring at the pictures and then suddenly pointed out a couple of words to ask me something.

The words he was pointing to read:  "But something..." and then the sentence carried on.  He asked whether, if he only looked at the letters up to the letter e (he pointed to the letter e; he didn't say the letter name) did those words read "release the people now"?

I held back my disappointment and suggested that maybe we could take a look at the words a bit and figure out if he was right.  I asked him how many words he had asked me about.  He said the words out loud again:  "release the people now."

"Four," he answered.

"Right," I said.  Then I asked him to count how many words he'd pointed out in the story.

"Seven," he said.

"Not quite," I said cheerily.  "That's how many letters there are, but let's see how many words we've got."  I asked him to find where the space was between words and he found it.  Then I asked again how many words we were looking at.

"I already said - seven."

Crap.  I have gone over this stuff with him a thousand times.

But I cheerfully explained (for the thousand and first time) how words are separated and pointed out that there were two words that we were looking at.

I then suggested that we try sounding out the first word:  But.

"R-o-t," he sounded out, using a long 'o' sound.  It sounded like one would pronounce the word rote.

I worked it out with him, and all was good.

Lizzie came into the room just then and saw the word I was still pointing to on my lap.

"But," she read after only a second.  "But what?" she continued.  She's getting great at reading short (three and four letter) words, and she's always willing to try.

Then I told the kids they could watch a little tv for a few minutes.

I went upstairs and cried.

For Seth.  About Seth.

We have sounded out words/letters for 3.5 years.  I read to the kids for hours and hours every week. They listen to audio books.  We look at letters and words on everything.  I break down words constantly.  I have taught him letters and letter sounds using every method I can find - using visual, tactile, kinesthetic, and whatever other ways I can dream up and research.  We've worked at 100 Easy Lessons.  Sometimes I think he's on the verge of connecting all of the dots, and sometimes he can even sound out short words.

But then he goes through periods of time, as I know has been happening the past couple of weeks, and it's like his brain has shut down.  I actually think it's his brain working on some other big thing right now and so his language and vocabulary and ability to do something like look at letters just tanks.  It's always like that when he's in this cycle.

And then this morning I just thought as I cried:  I am failing at this; he is never going to read.  He is such a bright, curious, observant, loving boy.  And he'll never read.  What do I do?

I know I'll get my equilibrium back.  By tomorrow I'm sure I'll be able to say that yes, someday that beloved boy of mine is going to read.

But today?  Today it just all feels a little hopeless.

Decision Required re: Hypothetical Puppy Situation.

So...the hypothetical canine friend we hoped to add to our family this weekend may end up being just that...hypothetical.

Sigh.

I learned this evening that said canine went to the vet today for a final check and for the insertion of an ear locator chip.  Turns out he has a heart murmur.  First time in our breeder's 16 year history.  This means that he may be just fine for the next 12-15 years; or he may die any time between now and then...just kinda fall over with heart failure.  The vet was apparently hard pressed to believe this to be true of our puppy because he is the biggest and most active pup in the litter and this would not, in her experience, be consistent with him having this issue.

So...the options:

1.  Still take the puppy this weekend, at half price, and no health warranty.

2.  Wait until April 12, when the vet will take another look at him to see if the heart murmur closes up; apparently in puppies, this is a good possibility by the age of 12 weeks.  If we wait, and he's fine, our contract remains intact and the health warranty included with it remains valid for two years.

3.  Wait until April 12, and if the heart murmur doesn't close up, we can still take him for half price with no health warranty.

4.  We could choose, immediately, the other male puppy she has right now.  A replacement pup.  Apparently the colouring isn't quite as lovely on the other male, but whatever on that issue.  The 'problem' with this option is that the alternate pup was born just three days ago and won't be ready for taking home until mid-May.  In the grand scheme of things, two more months isn't that long; but my worry is that enough people know of our plans that there might be accidental leakage of the news to the kids.  The other hard thing, to be honest, is that I've already started attaching to the dog I chose; I've visited him four times and I'm rather bonded.  The prospect of 'simply' replacing him with another puppy is a difficult prospect for me.  Also, all of our momentum and preparation has been towards this weekend and it's frankly a little hard to shift from that...but again, in the bigger scheme of things, this probably shouldn't matter too much.

5.  Wait until April 12, and if the heart murmur doesn't close up, we could then choose to take the alternate male pup.  We've already paid the fee, and the two year warranty would transfer to the new puppy.  Our breeder was kind enough to offer this option, which means that she will refrain from selling the alternate male pup to anyone else until mid April.  This is the option she said she would choose if it were her; wait until April - if our current pup is ok, he's ours; and if he's not we can have the other.

Really??  I really can't believe this.  I thought it was all signed, sealed...and just waiting for delivery.  How discouraging.

Thoughts?  What would you do?  I think I know what we'll do, but I'd love some additional insights here.

Sigh.

So...IF One Were to Add a Furry Friend to the Mix...

...purely hypothetically, what kinds of things does one need to do or purchase before adding a furry friend of canine variety to one's household?

I am not saying that this is what we will be doing in our household in the next week or so, and my children would tell you with great certainty that there are no such plans in the works until the elusive when hell freezes over happens.

But if one were thinking of such a thing and intending to keep it as a surprise from one's children, what kinds of things would one need to do to prepare?  I have a small list going for such an occurrence, but I'm about twenty years post puppy experience, and about eight years post adult dog experience and I'm rather dim on details.

My list so far:
* food
* food and water dishes (any suggestions here...do you like those things that give out water on an as-needed basis, or just prefer to continually refill the bowl?)
* bed - I'm thinking sherpa bed because it's soft and anti-bacterial, but thoughts?
* kennel - how big a kennel does one purchase for a dog that (hypothetically) will grow to approximately 12-14" high
* a corral for when we're out of the house
* a puppy pad for the corral in case a little friend might have to use the toilet while we're out
* a sling for me to carry the hypothetical creature around in...to build attachment, of course...we are developmental theory advocates!

Thoughts?  Suggestions?  Helpful tips?

Just hypothetically, of course.

Changing Daddy's Heart

Yesterday in the van the kids and I were talking (again!) about dogs, and Seth said, with great sadness, that Geoff would never, ever be willing to get a dog.  I said that I surely hoped that someday we would be able to welcome a dog into our family.  

Seth's response?  A big sigh, then...

"Well, it's up to God to change Daddy's heart now."

Love it.  

(And I wouldn't be surprised if God answers that prayer in the next, say, week or two.  Shhh....)

Matthew's 11th Birthday

I always have mixed feelings when it comes to celebrating Matthew's birthday.  I suppose this isn't all that unusual -just being a parent regularly entails mixed feelings!

A big part of me is simply happy to see my boy growing up and becoming such a fine young man.  He really, really is.  He's kind and generous, soft-hearted and highly sensitive, and a deep thinker on top of it all.  He loves God and has a personal relationship with Him, and seeks to listen to God's voice speaking into his life...what a great start.  Furthermore, the past few months have been interesting as we've seen some of the fruit of of our labour developing in him:  He's maturing and showing some awesome signs of emergence as a boy who is able to hold on to himself in face of different opinions surrounding him; he is usually quite thoughtful and considerate of those around him; and he is showing the beginnings of self control which, although most people think can be taught, is really a fruit of maturation rather than something we can teach our children.

So on the one hand, I'm so happy to see that the boy we brought into the world eleven years ago is becoming the kind of young man I dreamed he would be when looking down into that newborn face so innocent and untested.  Truly, what a gift of God.

On the other hand, I'm always so sad on Matthew's birthday.  Sad because I love this kid so much and because the closer he gets to growing up the closer we get to his eventual independence and departure.  As parents we all want for our children to grow up well and to emerge into the world as capable and contributing members of our society...but for me, that also marks a sad prospect for my life.  Totally selfish, I know.

Matthew also has mixed feelings about his birthday.  Although he recognizes that there are advantages to growing older, he also wishes that he were still nine years old.  He knows that he leads a very good life; it's a life that he loves just as it is.  A big part of him is grieving the passing of his early childhood years.

Matthew, as the meaning of his name suggests, is such a gift of God.  He was a long-awaited answer to prayer and the cherry on top of a long experience of infertility.  The years before Matthew were hard in this regard - it was such a painful experience to long so much for children, only to experience month after month, year after long year, of not having any...while everyone around us started and grew their families.  Fertility issues are not something I would wish upon anyone.

I remember vividly the moment I learned that I was finally pregnant; I fell on my knees in thanksgiving, and utter joy filled me.  All of the pain and grief of our infertility was still wrapped up inside of me, but that complex mix of emotions immediately and permanently changed me.  I am still affected by the complexities of those emotions, even now, years later after our family is complete.

There's something about waiting for so long that, I think, gives one a slightly different outlook on things.  It's ultimately why we homeschool; it's why we have chosen to raise our children using a longer term developmental approach; it's why I'm comfortable parenting differently than much of society around me encourages it.  I'm not parenting Matthew with a goal of good behaviour; I'm parenting him in a way that hopefully inspires him to follow God and to mature into his full potential.  Those who experience infertility react, undoubtedly, in different ways...these ways happen to be how I've responded.

Later today we will take eleven kids to Skyzone, a local trampolining place.  We will enjoy pizza and cake after an hour of jumping time, and I hope it's just the kind of celebration that Matthew envisioned.  He created the idea for his cake, which I have just completed.  It's a trifle cake:  Layers of chopped, two-bite brownies; homemade vanilla custard; and melted milk and dark chocolates.  On the very top will be piled diced pineapple.

For his birthday gifts, Geoff and I bought him a lego set (which I delighted to find a while back through amazon at 60% off regular price!), two books (Inkspell, to follow up our reading of Inkheart; and Horowitz's The Falcon's Malteser), and a simple watch.  Lizzie made a few "I Love You" kinds of pictures and notes for Matthew; and Seth has a pack of sour gum that Matthew will love.

There is more than one way to become a mother, as I well know, and Matthew was my launching point!  I am forever thankful.  Matthew, darling eleven-year-old boy, you are so very loved and we are so proud of you.  Happy Birthday!!

(from this morning)