Wednesday, August 11, 2010

This Wait is Killing me Now.

I'm dying here.  No, not literally (I hope).

When we made the change to our child request on June 03rd, we were told by our social worker at Imagine that she would be surprised if we weren't matched within a couple of months (a match takes place privately between the orphanage and Imagine Adoption, and is not communicated to the waiting family as a referral until medical tests have been completed and all of the necessary documentation has been collected).  She actually thought that the match could happen as quickly as a week or two after our change, given that our request (at least if it's a single child) is for a child who is 42-63 months of age (an age that most people don't request).  Well, tomorrow it will be exactly ten weeks since we advised Imagine of our change - well beyond that two-month mark, I figure.  We simply must be matched by now...I've been thinking that, feeling that, for weeks already.  When I had a very vague conversation with Imagine last week, nothing I heard changed this perception (though you know they're not allowed to say anything).

This particular aspect of the wait reminds me of the time when, after such a long time of trying to conceive a child (in both unassisted and assisted ways), we went through a fertility clinic procedure that I was certain worked - we had to wait two or three weeks to confirm that I was pregnant, but I simply and absolutely knew in those intervening days until I took the test that I was pregnant.  And I was.  Likewise, I'm convinced that our referral phonecall is just around the corner.  I walk around the house now with the phone jammed into my pocket, and I make sure that my cell phone is fully charged before I head out of the house (speaking of which, please excuse me for a moment while I go plug the thing in...).  Assuming that we were matched within a month of making the change to our request, and assuming that it takes between one and three months for the child's paperwork to be collected, I'm thinking that our referral will happen in the next month, maybe two.  My gut is even thinking (though I keep telling it to be quiet and to recognize that it's just hope or wishful thinking informing it) that we're going to hear something within the next week or so.  How's that for foolish thinking!?  I guess time will tell!

I can't get anything done.  Matthew has been in science camp for a couple of days this week and you'd think that I'd have made amazing progress on my many household projects.  You'd be wrong.  This week I'm embarrassed to say that, on more than a couple of occasions, I've wasted quite a considerable amount of time sitting in my library or home office, simply staring for long periods of time at the phone.  Wanting it to ring.  Willing it to ring.  When my mother called me for the third time on Tuesday morning, I was ready to shoot her for not being our local adoption agency...I fear my impatience was barely veiled by my tone of voice and abruptness.

I've been embarrassed, too, to answer Geoff's daily question over dinner about how my day was and what I was up to, especially with Matthew away.  You should have see how, on Monday, I buried my face in my food while trying to wiggle my way around his question - vainly attempting to conjure up whatever answer I could.

Geoff:  "So how was your day today, Ruth?"

Me:  "Good, thanks.  How 'bout yours?"  (Thinking: please let this change the subject so I don't have to answer your question any more...tell me about your day)

Geoff:  "Fine, but tell me more about yours first."  Darn it.  He was messing me up in his effort to be considerate.  Then he continued, with interest:  "What were you up to with Matthew at camp?"

To this I shovelled some food into my mouth and then pointed to my mouth, indicating that I couldn't talk with my mouth full (probably the only time in my life that a full mouth has stopped me from talking, unfortunately, but I tried to look incredulous nonetheless).

Alas, he waited til I was finished chewing and then asked again.

Me:  "Well, yes, it was a busy day.  I - well, I - yup, pretty busy day overall.  Had some work to do and stuff.  But my day probably wasn't as interesting as your day.  What did your day look like?"

Thank goodness it worked second time 'round.  But all I could think was 'what the heck did I do today other than sit and stare at the phone?'  I know I did something, I'm sure I did.  Somehow, telling the guy who's working hard to keep us fed and housed that I stared at the phone all day and checked my email and the yahoo adoption forum about a thousand times (per hour) doesn't feel like much of an hurrah moment.

Oh, I am a weak woman, people.  I can't rise above this.  This is all I want to do right now:  sit, plunked at my computer, with the phone at my right elbow.

Ring, darn it, ring.

* Thank you all so much for the kind, supportive and understanding comments I keep receiving!  What a wonderful support network I have!!


  1. While I am not waiting for a referral call, you describe exactly the issues I have when waiting for anything important which could happen at any time. It is such a restless, excited, uncomfortable, sense of urgency combined with that need to know the very MOMENT it is possible to hear anything. Hoping you don't have to go through this much longer.

  2. Oh Ruth!! I hope your phone rings today!! I feel like a crazy person, staring at my phone, doubling checking it all the time. But you are so much closer!! You must be practically insane.
    Staying sane all day is a major task. No need to accomplish anything else at this point. :)

    I am thinking about you and willing your phone to ring!

  3. oh Ruth, you make me laugh..I love the story of your supper time deception! :) I am dying in this wait for you..every single time I pop over to your blog I am hoping hoping hoping...and one of these days I WILL read that it happened..the phone rang..and you know who your child will be! :) Waiting with you, and so excited for that news. darci

  4. Ruth,
    You are so funny, but you brought back all those feelings I had a few months back. I would jump every time the phone rang and rush to see if it either had a 954 area code (our Florida agency), or said "Community Resources" which was the name for some reason popped up when our local agency called. It was BRUTAL! And I had to try so hard not to sound disappointed when talking to whoever called us. And then, when we least expected it, traveling down across the border, it came! I can't wait to read your story of how it all goes down, and I believe with you that it will be SOON. I am very excited for you! Hang in there! I know you really don't have any choice, but just know that I'm thinking of you and praying it will be soon.

  5. I so "get it"! But I am a firm believer in the "a watched pot never boils" philosophy so I think your chances of getting "the call" increase dramatically if you are not home waiting for the phone to ring. I was in Canmore hiking up a mountain when our call came.

    Plus, how much fun will your "I got the call" story be if it starts with..."I was sitting, staring at the phone, willing it to ring when..."!!!!!!

    But on a more understanding note, even I have been checking my e-mail more often in anticipation of YOUR call so I can imagine how on edge you must be!!!

  6. I am wishing you a fast phone call!!! Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed for you!!! xx

  7. Oh Ruth. You speak what I am feeling. We also changed our age to 42 months at the end of June and in my silly little mind, I thought maybe that would hurry things along and that maybe Imagine would call. I almost freak out sometimes when in the first few seconds I don't recognize the caller voice. BUT you've been at this longer than I have and I pray your phone truly will ring with good news.

  8. Hi again Ruth!
    Thanks for you "Baby Whisperer" story! I hadn't heard it and it was a super one! We are not anywhere near the 13 hours straight, but Levi did sleep for 14 hours last night (with 3 feedings in there). Anyway, thanks again!

  9. Ring, ring, ring.... I wish your phone will ring very soon..... xxx

  10. Hi Ruth,

    So funny that you wrote this as so many times in the day I think of you knowing how close you are. Most of the time I think "how do you make it trough your days when you are way up there on the list "
    So good know no one really makes it but fakes their way through the days. I also love the image of the phone filling your pocket.
    I am sure I will be equally as unproductive not even sure I would be able to leave the house.

    I think that you should not feel bad about sitting and dreaming of the phone ringing, just think of it as imaginary play time with your new child. I also wish I had powers to make your and everyone else up at the top phone ring !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks again for sharing the honest version , I will be so much more prepared when my turn at the top arrives.

    All the best with the day

  11. Sharla, I think I will adopt your philosophy!! Maybe it will work!! It has to be better than asking my 8-ball!
    Elsie, we are about in the same spot! We are #86 waiting for a referral 0-36 mths, either gender. About 3 weeks ago Imagine put me out of my misery and told me we had not yet been matched. So that should keep me sane for about a month! :)

  12. Ruth, my dear... you have such a wonderful way of communicating - pure, funny, honest and entertaining... tell me we don't all have these weaknesses (I'm at work and have just completed my traditional afternoon Yahoo board check!). These days I'm mostly checking to see if you've posted anything (so I can only imagine how it feels to be you!). I hope your call comes soon (and I agree... you MUST be matched!). A